This is something Carly has wanted to do for a long time but when we asked Pam, she never wanted to do it so we have decided. We've decided to move out of this apartment and this state and live in Texas. Reason being is, we really don't have anything left here to live for. Carly told me many months back that she would like to move out west, this was before Pam even broke her leg. I told Carly we just have to give Pam some time to think about it and weigh our options. Now that Pam is not here anymore, we really have no reason to stay here any longer. I know Pam would want us to be happy and do what was right for us. I know she is up in heaven clapping her hands because we made this decision on our own and not by someone else. We will be taking some things with us that were Pam's, it's only right that we do this for her, just to remember her by. We went over to Pam's mom and dads this afternoon and told them of our intentions. Pam's mom told us that we have to make the decision for ourselves and not let anyone talk us out of it. Carly will be attending Orange Grove High School for her last year of school. I went to the schools website and it does look like a very nice school, not run down or anything. Very modern.
A friend of mine which I have known for a very long time told us that his wife and him want us to come live with them for a while until I can find work and be sure we are stable enough to find a place of our own. Carly is very excited about this, this was her dream to live out west where there isn't any snow or cold weather. This morning when I told her my friend asked us to come, she said WHEN!!!! I said just let me keep talking to them and I will give you an answer. The other reason we are moving is, we can't stay here any longer, not because of Pam but because we would have to rely on the state to take care of us an I don't want that hanging over my head. I am the kind that does things for himself without relying on others to help. I'm just like that, I don't want anyone to rely on to make us happy. We are going to as content as we are here but without worrying if they are going to turn off our lights or shut off our gas. I just want to live out the rest of my days in comfort, not worrying 24/7. I do think that's what made Pam sick, she worried to much about things and it finally caught up with her. I feel so bad I couldn't do much of anything, without a job to make ends meet. I tried my best to make her happy and I did show her the love I have for her. I never once thought of not doing that.
I just wish Pam was still here so we wouldn't have to do this but, she isn't and I know deep down she would want us to do what's best for us, especially Carly, I want to see her happy and not watching her dad slowly die from worrying. That would just break my heart if that happened. I think about Carly everyday, wondering what she thinks of me as a father. I know I have tried and I never once denied I didn't try. I want to be a good father to her and make her look at her dad and say, my dad is the greatest dad in the whole world. That would make me so happy. What else I wanted is for Pam to be there when Carly graduates from High School but you know, Pam will be there watching her walk the aisle to get her diploma. I know I will shed tears when she gets her diploma, it's what dads do best.
I will still be around after our move, my friend has an internet connection and he said we could share that which was nice of him to do. I'll keep in touch and tell you how things are going. I know in my heart things will be much better for us, knowing we have friends that are willing to lend us a hand to get ourselves back on our feet.
I love you all and I am honored to have shared this site with Pam and all of you.
John